I was foraging through our fridge the other day when a small jar, shoved way in the back behind half a dozen varieties of mustard, caught my eye. At first, all I could see of the label was the word "Baconnaise". Yep, the special ingredient in our mayonnaise isn't love; it's pig.
I'll admit I was surprised to see such a low-brow condiment in our kitchen. Actually, I should rephrase that: I was surprised to see such a low-brow condiment in our kitchen that wasn't brought home by me. When I tell people I have a problem with "hitting the sauce" too much, I mean it literally. The sauce to food ratio in our refrigerator is at best 3:1 in favor of the salsas, dips, ketchups, marinades, glazes, toppings, gravies, spreads, dressings, and bottles of spicy liquids from every corner of the globe. Admit it, some foods were invented solely as a means to transport sauces to your mouth. It can't be a coincidence that celery is both flavourless and shaped like a trough.
Since I couldn't really imagine Alison bringing home a jar of ham-flavoured heart disease of her own volition, I figured Duncan must have seen it at the grocery store and begged to bring it home. Our 10-year old truly believes everything tastes better with bacon - he might have a point there - but I didn't yet understand why it was hidden in a dark corner like the mutant offspring of a pair of woefully inbred first cousins.
Then I saw the rest of the label and knew Alison's secret shame.
It didn't just say Baconnaise. It said Baconnaise Lite.
That makes about as much sense as creating a whole wheat Twinkie.